Inner Machinations: Entry_018.

Written: Thursday. October 15, 2020.

Another week gone by of me neglecting this journal. Technically, I’m still producing an entry a week. It’s just that two entries ago, I was writing mini-entries the whole week for one whole entry (does that make sense?). Anyway, I might get back to that format on the next journal entry.

I’ve explained the reasoning to this already in the last entry, so saying it here again is redundant.

I dunno. I keep on forgetting about the journal already. Maybe I don’t need it as much in these times (but honestly, I think I do, cause this is how you keep track of your state of mind in any time of your life). But that being said, nothing new ever really happens these days. It’s just the same old routine, and I fucking hate it. I fucking hate that I always wake up everyday to the same bullshit, having to think about what I want to do everyday but still end up not really doing something new at all, and that feeling of needing to be doing some productive thing in order to feel satisfied with your day. I hate that.

I just want to exist. I want to do the things that I want to do. This fucking nightmare of a situation we’re in is driving me nuts, but I’m not showing it because I’m more mature than that. There’s that saying: Be a duck. It means to swim elegantly looking like a swan, but paddle like crazy underneath. That metaphor then means that you shouldn’t show you’re struggling. Show that you’re calm, but whatever you do behind the scenes and however you act in that realm is completely up to you.

I don’t 100% follow that rule, cause when I’m really frustrated, I put it out on YouTube and call it a video.

*I lost track of my point, so here’s a new topic*

I’ve been watching Ben 10 Omniverse lately. Though I haven’t for today, which is odd, cause the last few days, I have been nonstop on watching episodes of Omniverse. I guess the non-linear story arcs has put me off. For people who are not well versed in Ben 10 Omniverse: be sure that you follow the actual air date of each episode if you’re just starting to watch the show. I made the mistake of following the story arcs, so some episodes were jumbled around and placed in the wrong arcs (I mean, why would they even arrange these episodes in random order like that? What is the point to doing that in the first place?)

Anyway, next topic: I feel like reading more, or want to read more. I don’t get to do it cause I’m still a bit weak when it comes to the “focus on less, cause less is more” mantra. I’ve been feeling the urge to read more cause I think it’s the effect of the text-adventure game that I’m doing these days. This project has really taken a toll on me.

I’m gonna take a break on writing the damn thing for about a week. That’s enough time for me to muster up the passion for it again. Cause yesterday, I feel like I hit a bump in the road. A literal writer’s block, so to speak. I don’t get writer’s block that often than before. I usually hit that block whenever there’s no new idea in my head and I’m forced to come up with it while looking at a blank white monitor with the vertical line pulsating each passing second. Otherwise, if I have an idea, I get to work.

Right now, with that text-adventure game, my mind is a blank. Like, it chooses to be blank right now.

So, I new idea came into my head (well, it’s not really a new idea, but an idea that’s been in my head for a while. The usual shindig): I’m gonna start to record a play-through of text-adventure games existing in the play store. I’m gonna do that so that I will then gain experience on doing a text-adventure game.

That’s it, that’s the idea. Plain and simple, but a long process (which will hopefully gain me more subscribers on YouTube cause I’ll be tackling a new topic of videos).

This is good. This is nice.

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Elmo Hidalgo

Elmo Hidalgo

22 | Dope as Fuck.

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